How to Stick to a New Year’s Resolution
December 31st, 2011 // 1:54 am @ marla
When a client wants me to help them stick to a New Year’s Resolution, I give them these 5 tips:
1. Be clear on what you want. For example, if you want to lose weight, how much weight do you want to lose? Is it 5 , 15, or 20 pounds or more? Be realistic and as detailed as possible on what you want to achieve, and then write it down. There is something dynamic about the act of putting your goals on paper and reading them aloud.
2. Surround yourself around people who are supportive. There are some friends who like to sabotage your success, so it’s very important to surround yourself around people who will help you attain your goal and not sway you off course. It would be helpful to be around those who have already attained what you are are striving to accomplish.
3. Be committed. How badly do you want your goal? The stronger your intention of getting what you want will be the catalyst of how fast you can achieve your New Year’s Resolution. Remind yourself of how bad you want it. Leave yourself little post-its in your car, on your desk, and even on the refrigerator. You can even give yourself a “trigger” word to help you stay motivated. I had a client who would wear a rubber band and whenever she wanted to smoke a cigarette, she would snap it and say, “I choose to be healthy” to remind herself how unhealthy smoking was for her. She quit smoking within 3 months.
4. Use your subconscious mind to assist you in getting what you want. Your subconscious mind is very powerful, so try hypnosis or meditation to get yourself in the right frame of mind to really stick to your commitment. Visualizing yourself already attaining your goal is very effective too. “If you can see it, you can achieve it.”
5. Be flexible and ready to tweak your plan to make it work for you. You might to have to alter your strategy if something isn’t working. Don’t give up, just be ready to switch to plan “B” if you find that your original plan isn’t successful. Remember the saying,’ If at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again until you do.”
Happy New Year!
Dr. Marla
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Healthy relationships: the ultimate supplement?
October 23rd, 2011 // 5:35 pm @ marla
We are all concerned with taking good care of ourselves, eating healthy and choosing vitamins and supplements that do our body good. We will spend extra money on organic foods and maybe even go out of our way to make fresh meals for our families. But there is a something that we forget to take into consideration regarding our health. It’s our relationships.
Humans are highly social. We’re not designed to be solitary or live in isolation. In fact, our society considers solitary confinement as the ultimate punishment. But we forget just how important our relationships are. Our connection to others can stimulate our brains. When we interact with others it gives us a feeling of belonging, and this is vital for good mental health. When we have the opportunity to express ourselves to others and be able to hear other viewpoints in regards to a variety of circumstances, we are able to raise our consciousness to a higher level. Not only is this how we learn, but it also gives way to spiritual growth.
Studies have shown that those who are mentally healthy have solid meaningful relationships and a strong support group that they interact with on a regular basis. I hope you have noticed that I have mentioned healthy relationships in this article. I am not talking about controlling, manipulative, domineering, or abusive relationships. These are toxic and raise big red flags regarding your mental health. I am talking about healthy and supportive relationships that are positive and stable.
There are ways to start making new friends and begin socializing with the right type of people by volunteering, joining a club, or getting involved in your local community. You can reconnect with good friends that you may have lost touch with by reaching out over the phone, or sending an e-mail.
Let’s not forget the power of our furry friends. Pets have long been known to aid in the longevity of good health with their endless supply of unconditional love. Animals can give us a feeling of importance and take our focus off of problems for a while. They help us lighten up and release stress.
So, the next time you are looking for that magic vitamin, take a friend out to lunch or play catch with your pet, it will do a body good.
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Online Meditation Classes
October 4th, 2011 // 12:21 am @ marla
Online Meditation Courses Now Available!
This 8 week online meditation class will teach you how to meditate, release stress and connect with your spirit. Learn to trust your intuition and bring your goals into reality. This course is designed for all levels; whether this is your first time meditating, or if you are an experienced yogi. This course is helpful for heart patients, executives, busy moms, and anyone who wants to live a well balanced life. Meditation is a great way to keep stress and anger in control.
Sign up for a free class below!
8 Week Meditation Course
1. Learn the Basics of Meditation
2. Develop Your Inner Guidance
3. Forgiveness
4. Staying Balanced
5. Releasing Stress
6. Build Up Your Self Esteem
7. Bringing Your Goals into Reality
8. Develop Your Intuition
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10 Signs You May be in an Emotional Abusive Relationship
September 5th, 2011 // 4:06 pm @ marla
from HealthCentral.com
1. Isolates You from Friends and Family- An emotionally abusive spouse wants you all to themself and makes efforts to have it that way. They do not understand that you have a life outside of the relationship – one that includes family and friends. It is healthy and normal for you to hang out with other people as well, so if your partner prevents you from doing so, this may be a sign of a bad relationship.
2. Is Verbally Abusive- If someone calls you derogatory names, even if they say they are joking, they mean to hurt you and keep you in line. Abusers sometimes cover themselves by blaming you, saying that you need to lighten up or that you are too sensitive. You are not too sensitive; you are feeling in your gut that this is not the way you should be treated. Abusers have a way of making you think that this is normal behavior and that it is you who has the problem.
3. Blames Others for His Problems- If your significant other always blames everything on someone else, namely you, this may be a bad sign. If he throws a tantrum or attacks you verbally, he will say it was because of you. It is not a good sign of a healthy relationship if he never takes responsibility and never admits to being at fault.
4. Alcohol and Drug Abuse-Not all abusers use drugs or drink excessive alcohol, but many do. An addiction can lead to erratic and innappropriate behavior. Substance abuse can be a gateway to emotional abuse and an unhealthy relationship.
5. Instills Fear- If you feel fear around your boyfriend or spouse then there is something very wrong. Abusers may try to intimidate you with violence, dominance or power tactics. For example, showing you their gun collection and stating they are not afraid to use them or intentionally putting you in possibly harmful situations.
6. Punishes You for Spending Time Away From Him- This goes along with the isolation technique, where abusers want you all to themselves. If you do go somewhere or do something without him, or even if he goes along, but others are also there, he punishes you later. An abuser may shout, insult, threaten or worse, because you were not exclusively hanging out with him.
7. Expects You to Wait on Him Like a Servant- An abusive man goes through life feeling entitled to be treated like a king and he wants you to be his willing servant. He expects you to do everything for him and will not help at all.
8. Is Extremely Jealous of You-A prominent trait of abusers is their jealousy. An abusive partner or spouse is often jealous of you, other people and even your dreams and goals. Their jealousy and rage over intangible things like your aspirations stem from the lack of control they feel over those aspects of your life.
9. Controls You Through His Emotions- An abuser is a grand manipulator and will sulk, threaten to leave, and emotionally punish you for not going along with his idea of how things should be. An abuser will try to make you feel guilty any time you exert your will and assertiveness of what is right for you. At times he will appear to be sorry and loving when you declare that you have had enough and might plead, or even cry, and insist that he will change. This “remorse” doesn’t last long though and when he feels secure that he has you back, the abuse begins again.
10.Gets Physical- If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, there is a good chance that eventually things may get physical. At first, he might pull your hair, push you, or grab you so hard that you bruise, but these are the warning signs that things can easily escalate. If your boyfriend or spouse has an explosive temper and you have seen him react with violence before as in breaking things, punching holes in the wall, getting into altercations with others then it is only a matter of time before it is your body he is hitting.
Both men and women can be victims of emotional abuse. It is important to remember that most of the points made here could also apply to situations where women are emotionally abusing their male partner. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, you need to get help now. If left untreated, the abuse will escalate.
Dr. Marla
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Getting a Grip on Your Feelings – Learning Emotional Intelligence
August 25th, 2011 // 10:25 pm @ marla
Berit Waschatz Aug 25, 2011, 3:06 GMT Berlin -
“At an early age children feel empathy. When a child hurts itself and starts crying, another will often begin to cry as well. But depending on the environment in which they grow up, some children have little chance of living out these feelings,” says Anja von Kanitz, a communications trainer and consultant. “When they grow up they tend not to have the ability to express their feelings, to recognize their own feelings or to respond to the feelings of others.”
“But you can also train your emotional intelligence“, says Professor Gerhard Blickle of the University of Bonn in Germany. “The starting point is that people need to know how high their level of emotional intelligence is. Anyone aiming to establish their emotional intelligence is confronted with questions in a self-testing procedure. They are required to imagine whether they are usually conscious of how they feel and whether they react to their own feelings at all. Also significant is whether they can control themselves when angry or quickly say things that they later regret.”
“The self-testing process also looks into whether the person concerned recognizes the feelings of others or is completely helpless in the face of them. If the end result is that the person concerned is unable to feel very much, then his emotional intelligence is seen as in need of training,” Von Kanitz says. The training is exactly the same as in sport. When you start jogging, you don’t run very far at first. That does not mean that you can’t do it any more, she says. Improving emotional intelligence means listening to yourself, Von Kanitz believes. If you do something, you should ask yourself what your reactions to it are.
Training your internal observation is one of the foundations. Those aiming to raise their emotional intelligence also have to 
train their bodies, as bodily perceptions are important. You should constantly be asking yourself how much energy you have, whether you are enjoying physical exertion or the opposite. Knowing your own feelings helps at work as well. “People with a high level of emotional intelligence are professionally more successful, especially if they have the will to succeed,” Blickle says. Managers especially need to train their emotional intelligence. “If you want to lead a team, that is a complex assignment, because you have to win over the people under you,” Von Kanitz says. To be able to master a management position, you have to have feelings for other people. Good managers cannot simply plough their own furrow, but need to convince their staff to cooperate. If you do not have the antennae for this, for how to talk to other people, it becomes difficult. This then jeopardizes your own career.
But ordinary employees also work better if they pay proper heed to their own feelings. Those who listen to their own warning signs are less often subject to office harassment or burnout, according to communication trainer Ingryt Paterok.
Click here for more information on Emotional Intelligence.
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